


Did You?

by beckalina



Category: Damon/Affleck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-02
Updated: 2010-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-06 23:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beckalina/pseuds/beckalina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben's conscience has some questions for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Did You?

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written 4/7/2003

Maybe with time, it will pass. Maybe with time, you'll be able to see his face or hear his voice without flinching, without feeling that urge to get up and run out of the room so that no one can see the tears pricking your eyelids. Because men don't cry, they just fucking don't, Ben. Men don't cry, and they certainly don't get all torn up over the end of a relationship. That's what chicks do. Chicks are the ones who dissolve into tears, the ones who are set off by the smallest and most fucking insignificant things. Not men. And definitely not you.

You hate yourself for this. The way you're feeling, the fucking reason you're feeling that way. If you could still drink, it would be different. If you could still drink, you could've dulled the feelings like you had your entire fucking life. But no. You don't drink. And along with not drinking, you made some half assed promise to yourself to be up front and truthful. What the fuck were you thinking, you asshole? If you hadn't told Matt how you felt, you wouldn't want to scream every fucking time you heard his name, now.

Yeah, things were great for awhile. In fact, they were fucking fantastic. But they aren't anymore, are they? And that's your fault, isn't it? You had everything you had ever really wanted, you had a perfect relationship with the only person you'd ever really loved in your entire fucking life. And you fucked it up. Way to go, Ben. Way. To. Go. Was she good? Did she know every erogenous zone on your body? Did she know about that spot behind your ear, the one that can almost make you come if someone just traces it with their tongue? She didn't, did she? No. Because only Matt knows about that spot.

You cheated on the love of your life with a starfucker. Some random bitch who asked for an autograph and offered head. What was so special about her, Ben? Women, and fuck, men, proposition you fucking constantly. Why did you say yes this time? Sure, she had nice tits. Sure, she was easy on the eyes. But what about her made you think that a quick lay in a seedy motel was worth risking everything you based your life on? You don't even remember her name. You never even took the time to learn it.

Did you think that Matt wouldn't find out? She left her fucking underwear in your car, idiot. A tiny, hot pink thong can't exactly be easily explained away when the last person you had in your car was another guy. Or maybe you wanted him to find out. Maybe that's why you didn't check the car before he opened the door. It got too real, didn't it? Got too real and you couldn't handle the fact that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with a man. You solved that problem though, didn't you? He won't even look at you anymore and your publicists are scrambling for explanations as to why Ben Affleck and Matt Damon refuse to be at social functions together.

Remember the look on his face? It's going to haunt you until the day you die. The confusion, the realization, the pain. You literally watched his heart break as you sat in the driver's seat, your mind racing as you scrambled for a plausible explanation. But there was no plausible explanation. There was nothing you could say that would excuse what you did. Even now, even after months have passed since he slammed the car door so hard that the window shattered, you still haven't figured out a way to explain it. And you just sat there, Ben. You just sat there and watched him crumble. Nothing you could have said would've made it better, but you didn't even fucking try.

Maybe you'll move past all of that someday. And if you don't? Well, Ben. You've only got yourself to blame.


End file.
